JOKES THREAD!

Got the mrs a memory stick.
Now she never forgets to get me a beer, make me dinner or do the washing. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->

Did you hear about the fat alcoholic tranvestite? all he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

I just got a letter back from Screwfix. They said that they regretted to inform me they were not actually a dating agency.

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A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. &quot;What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?&quot;
&quot;I gave it to a poor old woman,&quot; he answered.
&quot;You're a good boy,&quot; said the mother proudly. &quot;Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?&quot;
&quot;She is the one who sells the candy.&quot;
just a joke,hope you like it.

Heres on for Stu and all you other man utd fans......

Theres now a telephone helpline for all Man uts fans who are still hurting after sundays defeat to Man City. The number is 06161 616161 phone lines open 24 hours a day. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->

Couple to add...

scientists have found that the longer a woman is married the more likely they are to develop dysons disease, they whine a lot and stop sucking

Whats the longest word in the english dictionary?
Smiles - Theres a mile between the first and last letter!

At the gym this morning I discovered a hole in one of my trainers that my finger fitted in perfectly.
Unfortunately she made a complaint, I got arrested and banned for life.

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Never wanted to believe that my brother stole from his job as a road worker. But when I got home all the signs were there!

Over a year since the last joke was posted!?!?!
Heres a fish related one.
They have now found pig DNA in fish! When will it end?
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BDlEpRiCMAASNyb.jpg:large

if sunderland have a fascist manager,does that mean all the play will be down the right wing

Like it lol <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->

Great as always Dave <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt="" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->